It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
