a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
