He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
