Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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