FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
