I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
