I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
