If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
