He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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