If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
