He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
