I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I will pee on everything he values.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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