You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
