it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
