Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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