whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
