I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
