her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
