yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
