fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
