come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
