we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
