It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
