is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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