just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
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