was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
