let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
did you just send me my own nude
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
