I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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