You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
