I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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