I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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