Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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