Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
