Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
