Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
