I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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