i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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