Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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