I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
