last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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