The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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