The maid of honor just puked.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
