Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just want nice things and good sex
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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