3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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