What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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