Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She bit a glass in half.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
