god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
