We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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