You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
