dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
